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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27693029">If Prayer Were the Answer</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/SC_ript/pseuds/SC_ript'>SC_ript</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Supernatural</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Canon Compliant, Castiel and Dean Winchester Reunion in Heaven, Coda, Confessions, Episode Fix-It: s15e20 Carry On, Fix-It, M/M, Post-Episode: s15e20 Carry On, Post-Finale, Post-Season/Series 15, good things do happen</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-11-24</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-11-24</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-07 02:47:13</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Not Rated</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>688</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27693029</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/SC_ript/pseuds/SC_ript</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>“I died for you.”</p>
<p>Dean looks away. </p>
<p>He knows, somewhere, that on Earth, this conversation would be difficult. That there should be a tired set to his shoulders. In Heaven, it just happens to him. He lets it.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Castiel/Dean Winchester</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>97</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>If Prayer Were the Answer</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>When Dean leaves Bobby, he drives. He pulls over — after hours, weeks, years — on the side of the road. Sam is forty-one.</p>
<p>The road here is surrounded by low fields. He cuts the engine and steps out, taking it in. He turns to shut the car door.</p>
<p>When he turns back, Cas is standing in the nearest field.</p>
<p>“If you had called me,” Cas says. “Dean, if you had prayed, I would have come.” </p>
<p>Cas looks blank. Empty. But his voice cracks when he says <em>called</em>. Dean flinches.</p>
<p>“Jesus, Cas. I wasn’t going to ask that of you.” </p>
<p>Cas steps forward. “You should know by now. You could ask anything, Dean, and I would — you should have called me.”</p>
<p>“No,” Dean says. “It’s exhausting — the coming back. I was ready.”</p>
<p>“I died for you.”</p>
<p>Dean looks away. </p>
<p>He knows, somewhere, that on Earth, this conversation would be difficult. That there should be a tired set to his shoulders. In Heaven, it just happens to him. He lets it.</p>
<p>Cas, though, is pissed.</p>
<p>He pushes forward, gripping Dean’s shirt in a tight fist.</p>
<p>“I died for you,” Cas says again. “I love you.”</p>
<p>He spits it from behind clenched teeth. Dean stares. He wants to laugh. <em>It’s in just saying</em>, Dean remembers. </p>
<p>“Christ, Cas,” Dean says.</p>
<p>Cas’s free arm comes around Dean’s back, and he presses the heel of his hand against the smooth, unblemished skin there. His fingers clutch at the fabric of Dean's jacket.<em>Tell me it's okay.</em></p>
<p>“I saved you,” Cas says. He pitches forward, leaning against the stiff line of Dean's body. “I should have saved you. I would have saved you.”</p>
<p>Dean catches the scent of him, of sweat and smoke and grass. He wants to bring his hand to the curve of Cas's neck, hold him there, breathing and alive.</p>
<p>Dean says nothing, and Cas releases him, stepping back. There is a minute, where they look at each other.</p>
<p>“I like what you’ve done with the place,” Dean tells him. Cas starts. “It’s better. It’s good. It’s <em>fucking</em> good, Cas.”</p>
<p>“Thank you.”</p>
<p>“Fuck you,” Dean says.</p>
<p>“Dean — ”</p>
<p>“No. Fuck you, Cas. It’s been weeks.” Hours, weeks, years. “There were weeks, after Chuck, that you could have come back. I thought — I did pray, Cas. I prayed to Jack, that damn kid. I couldn’t understand why you were still gone.”</p>
<p>This is new. Dean is angry. Dean has not felt anger in Heaven before. It tastes righteous. </p>
<p>“Jack needed me.”</p>
<p>“That’s bullshit. Jack is the fucking rain, now. <em>The rain. </em>He could have done this without you.”</p>
<p>Cas looks past Dean, at the Impala. “Dean,” he says. He doesn’t continue.</p>
<p>“Where were you?”</p>
<p>“I was here. You were fine, Dean. You were happy. You and Sam were good. I wanted you to have that — that life. Like you wanted with Lisa and Ben.” Dean’s jaw ticks. “You didn’t need me.”</p>
<p>“I wanted — ”</p>
<p>“You died,” Cas says, fierce. The air hums. “You could have had that. The dog, the house, everything. You could have seen Sam marry Eileen. Met someone. I gave everything for you, Dean, and you died.”</p>
<p>“I didn’t ask for that. I didn’t <em>want that</em>.”</p>
<p>“What did you want?”</p>
<p>Dean leaves him there. Gets in the car. The keys sit untouched in the ignition.</p>
<p>Cas is in the passenger seat.</p>
<p>“After Purgatory,” Dean begins, watching the empty road. “I thought you knew. There wasn’t going to be a family for me, on Earth. Sam, of course, and Eileen, and the others, but, Christ, Cas. Don’t make me say this.”</p>
<p>Dean can’t look at him, but he can see the rigid profile in his periphery. Cas with his fists clenched against his thighs.</p>
<p>“Cas,” Dean says. </p>
<p>He starts the car, hears the engine turn. He pulls out onto the road. Looks over. </p>
<p>Cas’s eyes are closed.</p>
<p>“God dammit, Cas,” Dean says. “You have me, okay? You have me.”</p>
<p>The road stretches out, and Dean pushes harder against the gas. A hand gripping his shoulder.</p>
<p>“I love you,” Cas tells him.</p>
<p>“You have me,” Dean says again.</p>
<p>Again, softer.</p>
<p>
  <em>You have me.</em>
</p>
<p>They drive.</p>
  </div></div>
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